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Men and their Ex-files

I have been on many dates where men have felt the urge to reveal all about their exes, how either awful or amazing they had been and what exactly they’re now looking for in a woman. Now I don’t know about you but if I hear this on a date I want to run… It’s not a first date conversation is it? You’re not there to find out about their relationship history but instead, get a little insight into what THEY are like and whether you possibly would like to see them again.

So why do so many men fall into this ‘trap’ of thinking we would find this an interesting topic on a first date? Of course there could be nerves involved which can cause people to sometimes say things they’re not meant to. However, I think more than often it probably is a case that a man has not had the opportunity to talk about his ex and how he’s felt about the break-up/divorce to anyone before. See men, unlike women, don’t often share these kind of stories with their male friends and are often left ‘brewing’ with those thoughts until the next female comes along. This is also often the reason why many men jump into a new relationship perhaps far too soon before they’re emotionally ready.

Of course, not every man is like this and I must say that on some first dates it’s been me who’s blurted out something I’ve not meant to, not because I’ve not been ready for dating but because of nerves, caused by fancying them a bit too much…!

What are you like on first dates?

Blondes or Brunettes?

Apparently the world has become obsessed with sex. In a recent Men’s Health article Raquel Welch – one of the top 100 sexiest women in the world – recently made a comment about our current society quoting: ‘we’re all sex addicts, literally’ and that we equate happiness with the frequency of sexual activity we participate in. This made me think about how we all like to define our ‘ideal partner’ when in search of one. Does it really come down to the external factors like ‘fair hair & blue eyes’ or ‘tall, dark & handsome’ as opposed to ‘a loving, caring and intelligent equal’? Has dating become a way to find the most suitable sexual equal as opposed to an equal in every other level?

We have noticed that some Drawing Down the Moon clients, when it comes to describing their ‘ideal partner’, have become more and more specific with their requests. Men are often saying ‘I only am interested in meeting brunettes’ and women ‘I couldn’t imagine going out with someone who is only 5’8” tall (when they’re 5’2” themselves)’. Does hair colour really matter guys? And ladies, does one or two inches really make that much of a difference..?

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Valentine’s Day…

So January is now over and, for one reason or another, most New Year resolutions have by now been broken. Be honest. Are you still going to the gym as planned? Are you still abstaining from having that glass of wine? Has chocolate crept back into your diet? Well don’t beat yourself up over it as over 75 percent of the country break their good intentions by now!

But wait, we now have to think about that one particular day a year when a) if you’re in a relationship or dating you’re probably going to need lots of extra cash to impress your partner/date or b) if you’re single or you may well be wishing you weren’t! Yes I’m talking about Valentine’s Day and it’s only 7 days away! The world of dating doesn’t get much busier than on 14th of February.

So how are you going to be spending your Valentine’s Day? If you are happily coupled up then your choices really are endless – a romantic dinner for two, a weekend in Paris, a Spa day for two – one thing is certain, you’ll be spending far more on everything (especially in London) than their normal price the remaining 364 days of the year! But when it comes to love, does cost matter?

And what if you’re single? Do you stay at home feeling sorry for your self whilst couples are out enjoying themselves? Well that could be an option, but not a very tempting one. Valentine’s Day is the one day when bars may well be full of other single people (forget restaurants, you’d be the odd one out!) so why not organise a night out with your single friends or better still, organise a singles party and get in the dating mood? If however you prefer not to celebrate with others, why not treat yourself and be your own Valentine! Have a night in with a good film and delicious food enjoying your own company. As a singleton on Valentine’s Day you do have plenty of options and with the added bonus of no need to worry about the dent in a wallet!

If however you’d prefer to spend your next Valentine’s Day with your own special someone, being whisked away to an overpriced dinner (!) why not contact Drawing Down the Moon, the professional dating service in London, as we have a special Valentine’s discount for you: 020 7224 1001 We look forward to hearing from you.

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Spring = New beginings + New love! Pt 1

Congratulations everyone, we have officially welcomed the first day of Spring!

While we may still have a few months to go before we feel the heat or at least a change in the weather, I believe this is a great time to start preparing other areas of our life for the new season. Lets prepare, and turn the temperature up in our relationships!

In the spirit of anticipation, I’m going to be sharing some of my top tips for surviving that 1st date! In part 1 we are are going to look at the foundational stages of this date, the phone conversation, or voice messages.

Okay, so your ringing him - Should you leave a message or not?

I suggest to all our agency members that it’s best to avoid leaving a message. The reason is that men and women relate to machine messages in totally opposite ways. Women think nothing of treating anyone’s answerphone like a best friend and have few inhibitions about leaving and answering messages. Most men, on the other hand seem to be genetically programmed not to listen to their machines, even though they leave them on. As for returning messages – well, forget it. Furthermore, when he doesn’t call you back after you have left a message, it starts to become difficult. If he does actually listen (!!!) to the seveal further messages that you subsequently leave, he may feel pressured by their insistence – no matter how much he’d probably enjoy meeting you. So don’t judge a man solely on the basis of his ability to reply to phone messages. When you actually meet him, you can then decide whether or not he merits the status of ‘worth getting to know better’.

Persevere with your calls until he asnwers ‘in the flesh’ – and don’t leave a message.

So you’ve finally got through to him – What do you say in the phone call?

First make sure you pick a moment when you’re feeling good about life! Are you relaxed and rested? Never phone a potential date for the first time after a stressful day at the office unless you’ve given yourself plenty of time to wind down.

As soon as he answers in person, smile into space (to ensure your voice is warm), say who you are and immediately check if it’s a good moment for him to talk.

Now you’re actually talking – great! Keep the call short if you already know something about him (via his letter, his introduction-agency profile or the friend who introduced you) – and keep it light. Save your valuable small talk to break the ice on the date itself.

In Pt 2 we will delve deeper into issues surrounding this topic including; Where and how long should you meet, The art of seductive conversation, and What your body language might be telling your date!

Does this help? Read more in my book – Smart Dating, How to find your man.

Speed Dating – flirting in the fast lane

If the idea of speed dating sounds to you like just a gimmick, you’re wrong. In fact, speed dating works wonderfully. No one can avoid being relaxed and gregarious in the hilarity that results from these fun evenings. But under no illusion can you really get to know anyone properly via these encounters. They are simply a useful way of making loads of new contacts.

There are a variety of speed-dating methods. The one we’ve used for our events involved about 40 men and women turning up at a bar furnished with tables for two. The Master or Mistress of Ceremonies is in charge of the music which is turned off at intervals for three minutes. In these intervals, couples pair off, according to a prearranged plan, at the tables with their drinks. It’s a bit like musical chairs.

With a bit of practice, you soon get into the rhythm of ice-breaking, flirting and finding out a surprising amount about your speed dates in the limited time slots. Speed dating is tremendous fun and, because its purpose is to go for volume, you can practice Domino Dating and spread your net wide.

Excerpt from ‘Smart Dating, How to find your man’.

Stuck in a single rut?

What might be the ‘downsides’ of being on of the ‘proud to be single’ lobby? One is that you might become somewhat selfish in your mission to be uncompromisingly independent. Also, you might begin to think that it’s only through sacrificing your freedom that you can have an intimate relationship.

With the extraordinary rise of single households in recent years, people are tending to spend more time on their own than before. Could you, as a result, get too set in your ways? Might you become too fussy or even downright unrealistic about selecting a partner? Are you less able to adjust to the lifestyle changes necessitated by marriage or co-habitation – no matter how much you yearn for emotional fulfillment? How successful you are in dealing with this adjustment will depend on your strengths as an individual as well as your approach to communication. The really strong, sensitive and fulfilled woman who is also a good communicator can be a happy single or a happy partner. It’s your choice: develop your strengths or indulge you weaknesses.

“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” Gloria steinem

Although being single is no longer automatically viewed as a state of incompleteness, most singles do eventually want to be in a relationship. However, this wish may come with conditions that can, if you don’t watch yourself, escalate in proportion to the length of time you’ve been on your own. ‘I’m certainly not desperate for commitment. I’m happy just being me – I have a wonderful life!’, ‘A committed relationship with a man would just be the icing on the cake – but he’s got to be absolutely right. No compromises for me.’ But is it ever as straightforward as this? Isn’t this rather limiting?

Guys take note: Here is how to get her!

Guys take note: Here is how to get the number of that gorgeous girl at the next party. http://ow.ly/40Ejm

How does Chocolate affect your relationship?

Mary Balfour met the founder of Rococo chocolates and discovered how Chocolate affects your health, relationship and sex life!

Have a look!

Picking Up at a Party: Guide for Men and Women

It’s the festive season, which means end of year gatherings, Christmas celebrations and New Year’s Eve.

Here are practical and workable guides for men and women for attracting the opposite sex successfully…

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Call us 7 days a week between 10:30am to 11pm on 020 7224 1001

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Christmas Pulling Guide

The best ways to attract his attention and impress him while you’re talking to him!

1.     Pay him a compliment – ‘That’s a cool tie’. It never fails.

2.    Do proactive listening – reflect back something he’s just said, but using different words ‘So you really love scuba diving…’ or ‘you reckon that it’s time you changed your job…’.  He’ll be so impressed.

3.    Ask him to tell you more about something he said earlier

4.    Use his name in conversation – it creates powerful electricity.

Essential flirty body language

1.   An effective smile is used sparingly, on its own, as a statement or to reinforce other messages. Let it suffuse your face after a moment’s reflection in response to something your man has said or done.  Smiling all the time looks emotionally needy.

2.    Sensuously caress your hair; play with your necklace or earring, twirl your cocktail stirrer (or whatever other small object is to hand) and you’ll give out powerful sexual signals.

3.     A sideways glance is very sexy and will disable a man’s defences before he realises it. This piece of body talk is particularly effective if emanating from behind a curtain of tousled tresses nonchalantly flung back.

Fashion tips

1.     Go for dark but rich and luminous colours for ultimate pulling power at Christmas.  Avoid white and pastels unless you’re sylph like and eighteen.

2.    This may come as a surprise, but even in this day and age, most men still prefer women in skirts rather than trousers – don’t ask me why.

3.    To reveal or not to?  I’d say reveal just enough of your best assets to make him want to see more.  Reveal too much and there’s nothing left to tantalise his curiosity.

4.    Most men say they don’t like obvious make up especially gooey lips.  So go for a more natural glowy look.

Two ultimate never-forget-this flirt tips

1.     To evoke a naturally flirtatious mood, just recall a time when you felt enticingly flirty at some time in the past.  Try and evoke what it felt like, even what you saw and heard.  Give the memory a colour and enjoy imagining it coursing through your veins.

2.    Successful flirts always make the flirtee feel wonderful – make that your aim and you’ll feel wonderful too.

To find out more ring 020 7224 1001 or log on to www.DrawingDowntheMoon.co.uk

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