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Men and their Ex-files

I have been on many dates where men have felt the urge to reveal all about their exes, how either awful or amazing they had been and what exactly they’re now looking for in a woman. Now I don’t know about you but if I hear this on a date I want to run… It’s not a first date conversation is it? You’re not there to find out about their relationship history but instead, get a little insight into what THEY are like and whether you possibly would like to see them again.

So why do so many men fall into this ‘trap’ of thinking we would find this an interesting topic on a first date? Of course there could be nerves involved which can cause people to sometimes say things they’re not meant to. However, I think more than often it probably is a case that a man has not had the opportunity to talk about his ex and how he’s felt about the break-up/divorce to anyone before. See men, unlike women, don’t often share these kind of stories with their male friends and are often left ‘brewing’ with those thoughts until the next female comes along. This is also often the reason why many men jump into a new relationship perhaps far too soon before they’re emotionally ready.

Of course, not every man is like this and I must say that on some first dates it’s been me who’s blurted out something I’ve not meant to, not because I’ve not been ready for dating but because of nerves, caused by fancying them a bit too much…!

What are you like on first dates?

‘Serial daters’ Vs ‘One-at-the-time daters’

I have two good male friends and one female friend who seem to have a date pretty much every other day and they love the pace! I also have 2 friends of each gender who only date very occasionally i.e. once or twice a year, but when they do they seem to have very high expectations for that one date which can easily cause unnecessary upset.

So, which formula works better? Well, if you think of dating as ‘numbers game’ which it can be, it would have to be the former which Mary Balfour calls the ‘Domino-dating’ formula: the more people you meet the more chance you have of meeting the right one. This is especially effective when using an internet dating site where it’s easy to arrange dates for every single night of the week if you’ve got the time!

What agencies like Drawing Down the Moon can do is to help people who are busy professionals who don’t have time or the inclination to scroll through Internet dating sites – people who want someone else to do the ‘leg-work’ for them.

My opinion is the more avenues you explore the better!

What would be your preference?

Blondes or Brunettes?

Apparently the world has become obsessed with sex. In a recent Men’s Health article Raquel Welch – one of the top 100 sexiest women in the world – recently made a comment about our current society quoting: ‘we’re all sex addicts, literally’ and that we equate happiness with the frequency of sexual activity we participate in. This made me think about how we all like to define our ‘ideal partner’ when in search of one. Does it really come down to the external factors like ‘fair hair & blue eyes’ or ‘tall, dark & handsome’ as opposed to ‘a loving, caring and intelligent equal’? Has dating become a way to find the most suitable sexual equal as opposed to an equal in every other level?

We have noticed that some Drawing Down the Moon clients, when it comes to describing their ‘ideal partner’, have become more and more specific with their requests. Men are often saying ‘I only am interested in meeting brunettes’ and women ‘I couldn’t imagine going out with someone who is only 5’8” tall (when they’re 5’2” themselves)’. Does hair colour really matter guys? And ladies, does one or two inches really make that much of a difference..?

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Valentine’s Day…

So January is now over and, for one reason or another, most New Year resolutions have by now been broken. Be honest. Are you still going to the gym as planned? Are you still abstaining from having that glass of wine? Has chocolate crept back into your diet? Well don’t beat yourself up over it as over 75 percent of the country break their good intentions by now!

But wait, we now have to think about that one particular day a year when a) if you’re in a relationship or dating you’re probably going to need lots of extra cash to impress your partner/date or b) if you’re single or you may well be wishing you weren’t! Yes I’m talking about Valentine’s Day and it’s only 7 days away! The world of dating doesn’t get much busier than on 14th of February.

So how are you going to be spending your Valentine’s Day? If you are happily coupled up then your choices really are endless – a romantic dinner for two, a weekend in Paris, a Spa day for two – one thing is certain, you’ll be spending far more on everything (especially in London) than their normal price the remaining 364 days of the year! But when it comes to love, does cost matter?

And what if you’re single? Do you stay at home feeling sorry for your self whilst couples are out enjoying themselves? Well that could be an option, but not a very tempting one. Valentine’s Day is the one day when bars may well be full of other single people (forget restaurants, you’d be the odd one out!) so why not organise a night out with your single friends or better still, organise a singles party and get in the dating mood? If however you prefer not to celebrate with others, why not treat yourself and be your own Valentine! Have a night in with a good film and delicious food enjoying your own company. As a singleton on Valentine’s Day you do have plenty of options and with the added bonus of no need to worry about the dent in a wallet!

If however you’d prefer to spend your next Valentine’s Day with your own special someone, being whisked away to an overpriced dinner (!) why not contact Drawing Down the Moon, the professional dating service in London, as we have a special Valentine’s discount for you: 020 7224 1001 We look forward to hearing from you.

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Why Career Women Reject Internet Dating

The internet is creating a growing asymmetry of expectations between men and women in the dating market. Men are increasingly turning away from personal introduction agencies in order to take advantage of the cheaper, more techy and more impersonal medium of the internet agencies.

Women, on the other hand, want the greater security, ID checks and selectivity of personal agencies. That’s why there is an increasing gender imbalance in both kinds of services. And that’s why Drawing Down the Moon, adopting HR industry techniques, now headhunts for men to introduce to their high flying women members. Their team of ambassadors, working on handsome commission, seek out high calibre, relationship-minded men (and some women) in all sorts of venues: gallery openings, book launches, professional associations, sports events, gatherings of one sort or another.

MD, Mary Balfour, is ‘never off-duty’ & even recruited a lovely guy via the airport check-in queue and another via Freecycle.com – where she lost no time in enquiring whether a handsome TV director was single – she was seeking a new home for a vintage film projector!

Call us on 020 7224 1001 10.30am – 11pm 7 Days a week.

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Picking Up at a Party: Guide for Men and Women

It’s the festive season, which means end of year gatherings, Christmas celebrations and New Year’s Eve.

Here are practical and workable guides for men and women for attracting the opposite sex successfully…

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Call us 7 days a week between 10:30am to 11pm on 020 7224 1001

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Christmas Pulling Guide

The best ways to attract his attention and impress him while you’re talking to him!

1.     Pay him a compliment – ‘That’s a cool tie’. It never fails.

2.    Do proactive listening – reflect back something he’s just said, but using different words ‘So you really love scuba diving…’ or ‘you reckon that it’s time you changed your job…’.  He’ll be so impressed.

3.    Ask him to tell you more about something he said earlier

4.    Use his name in conversation – it creates powerful electricity.

Essential flirty body language

1.   An effective smile is used sparingly, on its own, as a statement or to reinforce other messages. Let it suffuse your face after a moment’s reflection in response to something your man has said or done.  Smiling all the time looks emotionally needy.

2.    Sensuously caress your hair; play with your necklace or earring, twirl your cocktail stirrer (or whatever other small object is to hand) and you’ll give out powerful sexual signals.

3.     A sideways glance is very sexy and will disable a man’s defences before he realises it. This piece of body talk is particularly effective if emanating from behind a curtain of tousled tresses nonchalantly flung back.

Fashion tips

1.     Go for dark but rich and luminous colours for ultimate pulling power at Christmas.  Avoid white and pastels unless you’re sylph like and eighteen.

2.    This may come as a surprise, but even in this day and age, most men still prefer women in skirts rather than trousers – don’t ask me why.

3.    To reveal or not to?  I’d say reveal just enough of your best assets to make him want to see more.  Reveal too much and there’s nothing left to tantalise his curiosity.

4.    Most men say they don’t like obvious make up especially gooey lips.  So go for a more natural glowy look.

Two ultimate never-forget-this flirt tips

1.     To evoke a naturally flirtatious mood, just recall a time when you felt enticingly flirty at some time in the past.  Try and evoke what it felt like, even what you saw and heard.  Give the memory a colour and enjoy imagining it coursing through your veins.

2.    Successful flirts always make the flirtee feel wonderful – make that your aim and you’ll feel wonderful too.

To find out more ring 020 7224 1001 or log on to www.DrawingDowntheMoon.co.uk

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Informal Ways To Meet Singles

Be cheeky!

Smart singles are always ready to grab the unexpected opportunity. It used to be only men who seized chances for a chat-up line or played metaphorical footsy. Now, women are in a strong enough position to do so with stylish aplomb. So, imagination to the fore! Be ready to seize the moment. Here are some opportunities to look out for.

At the supermarket – yes, really!

The supermarket is definitely an OK place for a single soul to loiter safely and take time to select whom they wants to bump into. Our up-front chap might be heard to utter ‘Have you the remotest idea how to cook this?’ as he picks up some alien vegetable within earshot of a suitable womean. Otherwise, of course, you can simply fling all your shopping into her trolley when she’s caught up in choosing a ripe melon, discovering a minute later what a fool you’ve been to have thought her trolley was yours. In the ensuing mayhem you can decide whether it’s worth taking things further. If you’re a bit crazy, then this one is well worth trying. It works – I know; I’ve done it – ‘accidentally’, of course.

Art galleries – for old masters and new mistresses

A safe place for women to hang about in, and much more selective than the supermarket, is the art gallery. Don’t buy a catalogue just ask to take a peep at the one that belongs to the particular person on whom you have focused your curiosity while they are absorbed in studying some challenging creation. For instance, the Victoria and Albert Museum in London claims many romantic successes at its lecture evenings targeted at singles. Check out what’s available near you. Get yourself invited to private views, especially at smaller, more interesting galleries where the wine on offer facilitates mixing and mingling. Don’t pretend you know more than you do: you’ll come across as pompous and ignorant and regret it deeply. Try and ask intelligent questions – a great flirt tactic.

If music be the food of love – try concerts

Like art galleries, concerts are selective, and at least you know that you’ll enjoy the same kind of music as the people attending. At classical concerts, the ‘Please could I have a quick look at your programme’ technique works well. During the performance itself, see if you can spot an empty seat next to an unaccompanied member of the opposite sex and discreetly slip into it during the interval, asking if it’s taken and remarking on how much better you’ll enjoy the sound from your improved vantage point. Your mutual appreciation (or otherwise) of the music should do the rest!

Scoring in the street

Approach the person you fancy. You’re lost. (Make it strategically plausible!) They are outside the train station or at a bus stop or buying a newspaper. You need directions to somewhere in (what just happens to be) the same area that he might be heading – not far away. They may even be tempted to accompany you there.

Men with sweat appeal: try aviation sports – or start to run!

Do your research thoroughly here, as some activities attract more men than others. Paragliding and aviation sports are male dominated – but costly, and require some degree of bravery. My first paragliding attempt landed me in a tree, and I wasn’t even looking for a man. Sub-aqua is brilliant for encountering men, as many of the women I know can testify.

Wine Tasting

Wine tasting is a real winner. You don’t have to be a seasoned wine connoisseur. Many more women are excelling themselves as experts in this field, but it’s still very much a man’s province. Women ‘in the know’ keep secret the fact that one can meet very interesting and classy single men on wine-tasting courses. You won’t need any tips about how to get chatting – the wine will look after that, unless you’re super-correct and spit it all out (what a waste!). Shop around carefully. Christie’s and Sotheby’s, the upmarket auctioneers in London, run excellent but pricey courses. Look out, also, for courses run by the Wine Education Service – great value. The more budget-minded might investigate their local adult-education centre.

Dancing

Whether your taste is ceroc, salsa or even tango, dancing is a great way to meet unattached singles. If you’ve got two left feet (like me) and need a bit of guidance, check out classes in local clubs, gyms and adult-education centres. Dancing is also a wonderful way of working off tension, dispelling depression and keeping fit. You’ll need no tips on getting into conversation and you’ll be a wow at parties.

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