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Love in the 21st Century

As a young single woman I admire women who graciously juggle with a 50-60- hour working week, 2 young kids and on top of that they manage to go to the gym, take 2 yoga classes a week and look amazingly radiant despite the doubtlessly hectic lifestyle. How do they do it? For most women it is indeed a struggle and sometimes circumstances mean that they end up choosing one or the other – career or family life instead of being able to successfully combine both not to mention looking after number one. However, it is increasingly in demand for women to be able to do exactly this.

Drawing down the Moon has plenty of women (and men!) in this situation – career-minded with busy social life, active hobbies but one important thing is missing, the love of their life and potentially a family. If you are a woman who feels you’d appreciate someone to guide you through how to balance it all and how to make the right choices in the first place there are some options. A seminar called Female Balancing Act held by two wonderful women Sophie Sabbage and Pascale Ascher is something we highly recommend, covering the following topics:

As a woman in business, how do you balance the demands of your professional life with your other priorities outside the workplace – your family, your friends, your own well-being and your other interests.  How do you make clear and discerning choices and do so without suffering feelings of dissatisfaction, stress, guilt, grief or a sense of inadequacy or failure?

The Female Balancing Act training is a one-day seminar for women in business who want to master the balancing act and transform their ability to participate fully in the different domains of their life.  During this training, you will get clearer about what you really want from your life, learn how to make choices that are in alignment with who you really are and what you believe in and then act on them with confidence, And, you will leave with tools to take back into your professional and personal life to support you going forward.

Please see details on how to book here:

http://www.drawingdownthemoon.co.uk/lifestyle/self

Men and their Ex-files

I have been on many dates where men have felt the urge to reveal all about their exes, how either awful or amazing they had been and what exactly they’re now looking for in a woman. Now I don’t know about you but if I hear this on a date I want to run… It’s not a first date conversation is it? You’re not there to find out about their relationship history but instead, get a little insight into what THEY are like and whether you possibly would like to see them again.

So why do so many men fall into this ‘trap’ of thinking we would find this an interesting topic on a first date? Of course there could be nerves involved which can cause people to sometimes say things they’re not meant to. However, I think more than often it probably is a case that a man has not had the opportunity to talk about his ex and how he’s felt about the break-up/divorce to anyone before. See men, unlike women, don’t often share these kind of stories with their male friends and are often left ‘brewing’ with those thoughts until the next female comes along. This is also often the reason why many men jump into a new relationship perhaps far too soon before they’re emotionally ready.

Of course, not every man is like this and I must say that on some first dates it’s been me who’s blurted out something I’ve not meant to, not because I’ve not been ready for dating but because of nerves, caused by fancying them a bit too much…!

What are you like on first dates?

Blondes or Brunettes?

Apparently the world has become obsessed with sex. In a recent Men’s Health article Raquel Welch – one of the top 100 sexiest women in the world – recently made a comment about our current society quoting: ‘we’re all sex addicts, literally’ and that we equate happiness with the frequency of sexual activity we participate in. This made me think about how we all like to define our ‘ideal partner’ when in search of one. Does it really come down to the external factors like ‘fair hair & blue eyes’ or ‘tall, dark & handsome’ as opposed to ‘a loving, caring and intelligent equal’? Has dating become a way to find the most suitable sexual equal as opposed to an equal in every other level?

We have noticed that some Drawing Down the Moon clients, when it comes to describing their ‘ideal partner’, have become more and more specific with their requests. Men are often saying ‘I only am interested in meeting brunettes’ and women ‘I couldn’t imagine going out with someone who is only 5’8” tall (when they’re 5’2” themselves)’. Does hair colour really matter guys? And ladies, does one or two inches really make that much of a difference..?

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Didn’t we do well!

Last week we received some more fantastic news: two couples happily matched by Drawing Down the Moon are expecting babies and another couple are due to wed – all in the month of March! Now that is what we call job satisfaction! It’s not only the colourful dating stories we hear which enhance our working day – these genuine happy endings not only makes us feel that we’ve done our job well, but also give us an excuse to open a bottle of bubbly! Our office is absolutely buzzing when we hear of yet another dating success story.

Even with our decades of matchmaking experience, ultimately it all comes down to that elusive chemistry.  The members mentioned went on a few dates before they met their ‘significant other’. Some of those previous dates were great matches ‘on paper’ but there was that special something missing.. It’s that ‘something’, that ‘chemical thing’ that makes it work. And it’s that special reaction that it creates which makes our job as matchmakers the best in the world.

A couple – two halves or two wholes?

Throughout history, simply in order to survive, people have nearly always had to live in some sort of group. In most societies it has been difficult for women to own property and live independently. As late as the 1960′s, a woman couldn’t usually take out a motgage or even hire a television in Britain without a man acting as guarantor. Professional women in the West now take it for granted that they will be responsibe for themselves and buy or rent their own homes, cars, pensions and holidays. Indeed, I still remember the exhilaration of walking through my own front door for the first time.

It is at last economical viable for women to live alone from choice, and many women feel good about being single for a substantial chunk of their lives. They know this doesn’t mean they are psychologically stunted or unable to make relationships. Not so long ago, most women would have felt that they were incomplete without their ‘other half’. The word ‘spinster’ has always had negative connotations of on-the-shelf failure, whereas ‘bachelor’ has virile associations and is seen in a much more positive light.

In spite of media messages urging coupledom, many women have blossomed into emotional and economic self-sufficiency without a partner.

This means that when two people do decide to come together, it’s a fusion of two wholes rather that two halves. This seems to be one of the keys to a happy and more fulfilled relationship.

Are You Ready for a Relationship?

Ready to relate?

Are you sure you really want a relationship? Perhaps you’re actually quite content with being single but have difficulty admitting it. Lots of people give in to social pressures to find a partner when it may be the wrong time for them or simply not what they fundamentally want. Although the need for an intimate bond is deeply embedded in all of us, we can be very content for significant periods of time with the company of close friends and a stimulating career.

However, being single still involves relating – whether to casual lovers or best friends. If the answer to ‘Are you sure you want a relationship?’ is an unqualified ‘Yes!’, you still need to take a moment to reflect on whether you feel ready to take on the responsibility for such a big leap in your life right now.

If you do feel ready, remember that just waiting around won’t make anything happen; you will only make this leap by tackling things differently and by taking charge of your future. If you yearn for action, don’t give any ground to inertia or procrastination. If you want things to stay the same, then well and good; if you don’t, then look at how your initiatives today can be the catalyst for a new and more exciting life tomorrow.

A good starting point is to understand much more clearly what you want from a relationship. Try the following checklist:

 

IDEAL RELATIONSHIP – CHECKLIST – Knowing what you want

 

How do you see your ideal relationship? If you could wave a magic wand, would it be:

Check
«  An intimate togetherness with marriage/cohabitation? 
«  A part-time but committed lover? 
«  Together but independent? 
«  Friend and lover? 
«  Together and sharing the joys of children? 
Other preferences:

Note them down.

 

 

Today, unlike in times gone by, there are many models of happy relationships to consider. But remember, whatever transpires in real life will never be exactly what you anticipate; adjustments and compromises are nearly always necessary. Nevertheless, having a model of what you’d ideally like is important for keeping you motivated. Being aware of what is blocking the realization of this ideal will take away the power of that block and enable you to start being proactive.

To contact Drawing Down the Moon, call 020 7224 1001 between 1030am and 11pm 7 days a week!

 

 

 

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A Couple – Two Halves or Two Wholes?

Throughout history, simply in order to survive people have nearly always had to live in some sort of group. In most societies it has been difficult for women to own property and live independently. As late as the 1960s, a woman couldn’t usually take out a mortgage or even hire a television in Britain without a man acting as guarantor. Professional women in the West now take it for granted that they will be responsible for themselves and buy or rent their own homes, cars, pensions and holidays. Indeed, I still remember the exhilaration of walking through my own front door for the first time.

It is, at last, economically viable for women to live alone from choice, and many women feel good about being single for a substantial chunk of their lives. They know this doesn’t mean they are psychologically stunted or unable to make relationships. Not so long ago, most women would have felt that they were incomplete without their ‘other half’. The word ‘spinster’ has always had negative connotations of on-the-shelf failure, whereas ‘bachelor’ has virile associations and is seen in a much more positive light.

In spite of media messages urging coupledom, many men and women have blossomed into emotional and economic self-sufficiency without a partner. This means that when two people do decide to come together, it’s a fusion of two wholes rather than two halves. This seems to be one of the keys to a happy and more fulfilled relationship.

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Identifying Relationship Blockers

Any of us can have something that holds us back from taking action, and to minimize its power over us we need to confront it. What, in your present situation, is blocking change – the change from being in a single state to in a relationship?

Circumstantial Blockers

Circumstances can be relationship blockers, do you consider the particular reason for not being in a relationship is situational and not to do with you personally? – for example, if you believe that the reason is the shortage of available men in your age group.

Psychological Blockers

If you believe the block is to do with your personality and your degree of readiness for a relationship – for example, do you always choose unavailable singles? Reasons, such as ‘I’m always away on business’, may be both circumstantial and psychological. For instance, you may have chosen a particular situation, such as a career involving lots of travel (which makes partnerships difficult), as a passive resistance against settling into a relationship.

Other examples Psychological blockers can be thoughts like ‘I keep making bad decisions about relationships – they’re usually too short-sighted’ or ‘My ideas about relationships aren’t keeping up with these fast-moving times’. Or maybe you’re only choosing men because they are sexually attractive with no regard to their suitability as a long-term partner.

Physical Blockers

Is the way you look sabotaging your best chances? Do you need a presentation makeover because you have let yourself go physically? Would a good diet, a regular gym routine and a shopping spree give you extra confidence and oomph?

Habit Blockers

Habits you may have can be relationship blockers, for instance, if you drink too much on dates or if you are a smoker (a big date deterrent, by the way).

Change Blockers

If the blocker is something you’d like to change. For example, you may need to work on yourself because you believe, ‘I frighten men off’. Or perhaps it is a question of meeting only the wrong sort of men? The two problems may be distinct in concept but overlap a lot in practice. Are you the sort of person who never gets past the first or second date? Is this because you are rejecting the men at this point, or are they rejecting you – or perhaps both? In reality you are more likely to emerge with a cluster of related causes than one clear reason that can be tackled on its own.

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